Can't Sleep? 7 Insomnia Remedies That Actually Work
A Therapist's Guide to Insomnia and Sleep Anxiety
Here's What Might Actually Help
Insomnia is the freaking worst.
Lying in your bed awake, mind spinning, your body cries out for rest but it just… isn’t… happening.
And then the anxiety sets in. Another sleepless night means another dragging, desperate day, where work feels impossible and your emotions are so close to the surface that the slightest provocation means – pop! – the dam bursts and the tears start spilling.
Four hours later, you’re still trapped in bed but the sun is coming up and, oh god, the alarm just went off.
Sound familiar? I’ve been there, and I know how soul-destroying and debilitating this cycle can be. A whopping 30 to 50% of adults in the U.S. report insomnia symptoms. There are so many societal factors contributing to this epidemic (in my view), including:
Living in a hustle economy where we’re told that the only way to survive is to constantly produce.
Our disconnection from the natural world that we as human animals need for our nervous systems to settle and restore.
The lack of a social safety net and resources like universal healthcare and paid parental leave and childcare that we need to move beyond survival mode.
The distraction economy that keeps us all addicted to our phones and devices with constant stimulation, making it near impossible for our bodies to settle into rest.
The influencer economy which makes it feels like we’ll never be enough, never do enough, never be thin enough, never earn enough…
Your endless to-do list, which is amplified by the fact that most of us live isolated from each other instead of in community in which we could share the domestic labor needed to cook, clean, do laundry, etc.
Not to mention that ridiculous fight you just had with your partner about how to properly load the dishwasher.
I could go on, but suffice it to say that (1) there are lots of systemic and personal reasons that make sleep difficult for many of us and (2) you are not alone in this struggle.
“Yeah, Katherine, I get why I’m not sleeping but what can I do about it?! I need to sleep!”
Yep, that’s why you’re here, so let’s get to it.
What Actually Helps: 7 Insomnia Strategies to Try Tonight
Sleep really is the foundation of mental health, so if you want to shift your depression, anxiety, anger, etc., sleep is the first place to start. And, because sleep is so fundamental, experts recommend that you try every strategy in the book, all at once, until you’re consistently getting enough sleep. Then you can get more selective and see which strategies you want to keep long-term and what you can let go.
Here, in no particular order of importance, and the tried-and-tested, get-more-sleep-ASAP strategies I recommend:
1. Create a Bedtime Routine (Just Like You’d Do for a Baby)
Imagine you are taking care of a baby (or think about your own kiddo, if you have one). What bedtime routine would you create for your baby? Maybe you’d feed them a bottle, read them a book, wrap them in a swaddle, sing a lullaby, and put them down to sleep in a dark room.
We create these routines for babies and children to signal to their minds and bodies: “Hey baby, it’s time to go to sleep.Over time these predictable routines help young ones start to settle down and prepare for rest.
Now imagine you are baby. What sweet routine can you create to signal to your nervous system that it’s time to wind down and get to sleep?
First, let’s start with timing. Studies show that maintaining a consistent sleep schedule every day leads to better overall health and longevity. (I know – boring! We hate that! But what do you hate more – being boring or dragging your despairing bootie out of bed after yet another sleepless night?)
To find your optimal bedtime, work backwards from the time you need to wake up. Studies show that most people need between 7 and 9 hours of sleep every night (and female-bodied people need more). If you know you function best on 8 hours and you need to be up by 7am, you should ideally be asleep by 11pm.
Now that you have a benchmark, create a bedtime routine that works for you. What do you think will help your nervous system settle? Here’s a list of ideas to play with – you can pick and choose, or add to it:
Skin care routine
Tooth brushing
Gentle stretching
Dim lights
Calming music
Show bath or shower
Scents – spraying your pillow with lavender or turning on a scent diffuser
Reading a book
Meditation
Journaling
Create a routine that’s not too ambitious but feels sustainable and nourishing. Commit to doing this routine every night for two weeks so that your mind and body can start to build connectings between these actions and sleep.
2. Put Your Anxieties to Rest in a Worry Journal
If your brand of insomnia is the mind-won’t-stop-spinning variety, a nightly worry journal could help. Take 5 to 15 minutes every night to write down every single worry and anxiety that’s barraging your brain. This practice helps reassure your mind that you are well aware of all its worries and that you will not forget them overnight.
If it helps, you can also incorporate a little problem-solving, to further reassure your mind that you have a plan to deal with your worries. That could look something like this:
Worry 1: Project is due on Friday, and I haven’t even started it.
Plan: Block off 4 hours a day to work on it. Ask for extension if needed.
Worry 2: Is bestie mad at me or just super busy?
Plan: Check in when we hang out on Saturday.
Worry 3: I still haven’t been able to make myself schedule a colonoscopy and it’s way overdue.
Plan: Aaaaah I don’t know it’s too scary! I’m really freaked out about it. Maybe ask a friend to help me make the appointment?
Again, commit to writing in your worry journal for 2 weeks. And if you miss a day? Don’t sweat it – write about it the next day!
3. Eat a High-Fat Snack Before Bed to Stop the 3am Wake-Ups
If your insomnia brand is more of the “wake up at 3am never again to sleep,” try eating a high-fat snack right before bed (or right when you wake up). For some late-night wake ups, low blood sugar is the culprit. A spoonful of peanut butter, a hardboiled egg, or another fatty snack might do the trick to level out your blood sugar and keep you resting.
4. Try Cognitive Shuffling Instead of Counting Sheep
If you’re like me, counting sheep or breath is pretty much a guaranteed fail because it’s freaking boring! I get to 8 and – zoom – my mind is off on its spirals again.
The cognitive shuffling game, though – that hits the spot. Developed by cognitive scientist Luc P Beaudoin, I’ve found cognitive shuffling to be consistently helpful in allowing my brain to transition to sleep. Here’s how it works:
Choose a word (i.e. “ducky”)
Starting with the first letter of the word, think of every possible word that begins with that letter and then picture that word in your mind (so starting with “D,” picture a dog, a dandelion, a devil, a deer, a dove, a desk…)
Continue with the next letter of the word (for “U,” picture an umbrella, an umpire, the universe, underbelly, uptight, etc…)
This game is effective because it’s actually kind of fun, and also because it recreates that pre-sleep dream state where random images start popping into your mind. This creates a smooth transition for your brain to actually start dreaming and – voila – you’re now asleep.
5. Cut Out the Alcohol and Caffeine
I know, I know, this one is really unpopular. You’re already not sleeping, so how horribly cruel to strip away these simple pleasures!
The thing is, alcohol and caffeine as drugs are quite disruptive to our sleep cycles. Sure, alcohol makes you feel sleepy, and might actually help you pass out at night – but it disrupts hormones that are essential to quality sleep and often leaves you feeling less rested the next day. And caffeine can reduce your amount of deep, slow-wave sleep, as well as keeping you up later.
Alcohol and caffeine are also big contributors to anxiety and depression, so even if they feel like they take the edge off in the moment they are actually part of a cycle that keeps these issues going.
6. Put the Phone Down an Hour Before Bed
The cruelty and deprivation continues! First I take away your coffee and wine, and now this!
After a long and stressful day, there’s nothing sweeter than dissociating on your phone and forgetting that we live in bodies for a blissful moment in time. But I know, you know, we all know – blue light and an uninterrupted stream of rapid light and movement activates our brains and our fight-or-flight systems, which is the opposite of what our bodies need to move into rest.
7. When to Seek Professional Support for Insomnia
If you’ve tried all these tricks and still find yourself sleepless in Seattle (or wherever you lay your head to rest), it might be time to seek professional help.
A visit with your doctor can address underlying health issues, like hormonal changes during perimenopause or thyroid issues or blood sugar or sleep apnea or a myriad of potential medical sleep disruptors. Your doctor may also prescribe sleep medication, which many of us are weary of but ultimately can be very powerful tools when they’re needed.
Psychotherapy can also be helpful for insomnia, especially if your sleeplessness is driven by anxiety or other emotional issues. Working through the trauma and emotional weight you’re carrying, and learning tools to regulate your nervous system, can be powerful agents of change.
You might also explore CBTI (cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia), a therapeutic technique that is quite effective at treating chronic insomnia. Some health insurance providers like Kaiser offer CBTI groups for free.
If you’re a nontraditional girlie, alternative healing modalities like acupuncture, craniosacral therapy, hypnosis, and reiki might offer the support you need.
There's No One Right Path to Sleep
I’ve just thrown a lot at you, at a time when you might already feel a tad overwhelmed. Insomnia can be brutal. Just know that there are lots of potential paths to better sleep. If insomnia keeps showing up alongside anxiety or grief, that's something we can work through together — reach out to schedule a free consultation.
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Katherine Mancera, LMFT is a psychotherapist who works with anxious perfectionists, couples, and perinatal folks in Oakland and online throughout California.
